It’s the exciting new metric in LCD display measurement. Going to treat myself to a five earrings on a sunflower stem model in time for the Olympics.

This one says what it is on it – it’s a “Nano Plasma Ion”. Still none the wiser.

“AV input 3. All you have to do is press ‘AV input’ three times. If you can’t find the button that’s your fault. I’ve shown you twice already. Yes, its batteries are working.”

That horrible orange, smart/casual rugby player is apparently a keen player of internet bingo. “Great. A tenner. Now let’s do it.” Here’s the entire press release: Strictly Come Dancing Duo Gavin Henson and Katya Virshilas team up for the launch of online bingo site ‘Brits Bingo’ – Play free bingo and win £1000’s daily. 24th [...]

Could be an iron. Or a helmet. Or a thing for cleaning worktops. Isn’t wireless, that much we can tell.

MUCH HAPPY. THE MORE BIG THE EXTRA HAPPY. GLORIOUS HAPPY. PRESS MULTIPLIES HAPPY.

“Never mind. If that’s all that’s on TV you can keep them. I’ll just go on the internet on my telephone instead. You can have custody of the remote control for the next 25 minutes. But remember, NO GOK WAN or there will be trouble.”

It’s Rebecca Hollingwood versus Joanne Hudd in this first cup final of the season: Not a glamorous encounter, but Rebecca took home the crown and a cheque for £25, despite wearing jeans – thanks to having fewer exposed cigarette burns on her arms. Neither girl was allowed to keep a device. Not sure if this [...]

“It’s no good, I can’t see it from here without my glasses.” “You stay there in that position, Sarah, I’ll come over and put my nose under the bridge of the glasses. Don’t put yourself out unnecessarily.”

“Is this it?” “Oh no, that’s no good, it’s pointing at me.”