NEW FAVOURITE WEBSITE: What Mobile Magazine!

Who would've thought? The innocent-sounding What Mobile has a rather vast gallery of what can only be described as sluts holding mobile phones. Well, it could be described as ladies displaying communications technology, but that's not how we operate in THIS particular stinking bit of internet.



"I was doing a Google search for Rachel Grant (the woman off Brainiac) and stumbled upon a pic of some work she did for this site which I reckon you will enjoy"



"Only time will tell if you do an update on it. I will feel more enriched and somewhat starstruck if you do. Keep up the goodness - Andy."



Well reckoned, Andy! Time has spoken. We did an update on it. How could you ever doubt that we do an update on this awesome stash, considering the quality of "goods" on display?



We have certainly enjoyed this one and are doing an update on it RIGHT NOW. We have just enjoyed this photo the once so far, but will perhaps enjoy it again after dinner when energy reserves have come back up.



This one will be enjoyed either this evening or, more likely given our age, tomorrow morning.



Thanks, What Mobile!



Of all the places on the internet you'd think of looking for hot, phone porn, the What Mobile web site isn't one.



They even got legendary Page 3 girl Jakki Degg to do a pretend call! Who do you think she's on the phone to? Her agent about a record deal? Her mum about how she was right all along and she shouldn't have quit the ASDA job?



This one's called Vicki Blows. She has emerged as an early favourite, despite the sad lack of FLESH on show.



We're off to see if PC Shopper has a babes gallery.



Bye.



Bye (really this time).



OK. Bye.

Stealing back that which is rightfully ours

Some man with a blog said he was GOING to send us some alternative photos of Gena's fantastic massive Sony remote - but somehow forgot. God knows how much you need to have going on in your life to forget you took a photo of this staggering magnitude:



It's a 7.2 on the Idiot Toys photograph Richter scale! Strongest tremor of the year so far. The remote would also seem to pack some sort of 'cloaking' technology that makes taking decent photos of it impossible.

Gadgets with FACES #36: Fashionable London ashtray

It's powered by electricity, therefore is a gadget and fits the remit. It has definite potential as a Doctor Who Season 5 baddie, in an episode entitled "Thank You For Not Smoking." There would be an amusing and possibly homo-erotically charged scene in which the Doctor professes his love of "picking up a good butt."



"I don't know if this is classed as a gadget, but since it's clearly a badly disguised evil Cyberman it must be. These are the 'ash trays' provided on lampposts and railings around the Holborn area. In reality I suspect they are robot enforcers waiting to eliminate foolish earthlings who drop cigarette ends - Rick."

The return of... Urban Tool!

Amazingly for a company called "Urban Tool," Urban Tool is still going and successfully negotiating terms with its bank to continue operating. Well done, Urban Tool! We didn't miss you since the last time.

Here's a look at the Urban Tool Sportsholster as spotted by reader "Tom." It features what is quite possibly the best AND worst promotional photograph of all time:



THIS:
"Are you about to go jogging or to the gym? But where are you going to put your mobile phone, keys and music player?

"Ultimate carrying concept for outdoor/sports users, the SportHolster from Urban Tool is quite simply the perfect solution for carrying your mobile phone, PDA, Camera, Keys, Money, Wallet, MP3 Player and much more. The SportHolster will sit discreetly under a jacket to offer a secure place for all of your belongings, but looks even better on show.

"The sport holster can be worn comfortably around your shoulders. Through its ergonomic fit it allows unrestricted liberty of action during sport. It´s pockets are made of an elastic material which hold the contents such as mobile phone, money or keys and prevent it from shifting during movement. Integrated into the shoulder strap of the Basic Holster is a concealed retractable key strap, allowing you to have your keys at hand at all times."

Gadgets with FACES #35: A hungry little waste composter

Not that one. Not that one. Not that one. THAT ONE!



Found while looking for a discreet way to dispose of larger pieces of 'household waste'. The things you can't flush.

Gena's slide-out Sony remote control - PLUS VIDEO

Lucky old Gena has a remote control that, apparently, contains a secondary and smaller additional remote. A sort of escape pod, if you will. Or a deceased parasitic twin.



"Hi Idiot Toys. I was at my friend Gena's house the other day when I noticed this rather imposing specimen on her sofa-bed. It's for her Sony TV."



"I was excited; it is sizeable. However, this remote has a secret. The outer casing slides off to reveal a whole nother remote inside, with a veritable banquet of delicious buttons of all different flavours liberally spewed across its backside.



"Needless to say, on discovering this I was even more excited, perhaps too excited."



"Gena now thinks I have a fetish for remote controls and refuses to allow me further access to this particular example. Best wishes, Dan."



Exclusive video of remote in action. Not the clearest photostory we've featured - the remote really needs to be taken to a studio for proper examination.

LG's amateur outdoor holding

HOT AMATEUR TEEN OUTDOOR VOYEUR XXX LG HB620T.



At least they're keen to get involved.

Gadget with NUMEROUS FACES #1

Some sort of alarm. With about a million different faces in/around itself. The more you look, the more you discover! It's a bit of a long email, so feel free to just scroll down and laugh at all the various eyes and mouths on display.

(The one at the bottom is an actual man's face, not a gadget with an AMAZINGLY realistic face, by the way).

OPENING PREAMBLE:
"The subject is not a typo, this really is a single gadget with multiple faces. It has so many faces in fact, that pretty much every time I look at it I see a new face. So much so that it's beginning to frighten me a bit and I've stopped looking at the pictures, because it makes me think of H.R.Giger stuff and Hellraiser III."



"It may look like a standard, run-of-the-mill alarm system, but it hides a whole bunch of modern features including, but not limited to wires, a light, and the most faces I've seen on a single gadget. For instance, turn it around and..."



"...you get a Jason mask thing. Well, you would if the two large eyes in the centre got your attention first. Otherwise you may have noticed the happy face at the top. To be honest, I've no idea why he's so happy - he's stuck to a wall his entire life and can't see anything. Also, between the two large eyes is a third face. It's a bit small but in its favour, it has a pair of functional eyebrows.

"This image could be incorporated into some kind of freaky console-war psychological test - if you saw the smiling face first, then you're a happy, blue-sky Sega kinda guy. If you saw the Jason mask first, you're a closet serial killer who enjoys Rape Bitch Murder Street on your PS3, which you really ought to have stolen.

"There are probably some more faces there, but I'd imagine it all depends on what you believe constitutes 'a face'. According to Wikipedia: 'The face is the front part of the head and includes the hair, forehead, eyebrow, eyes, nose, ears, cheeks, mouth, lips, philtrum, teeth, skin, and chin.'

"The above definition is a bit ambiguous, as it doesn't mention whether a face needs all of those bits or whether the face is simply the bit where you'd find all those bits. Back to our gadget, here's another pic at an angle. Maybe more faces will appear?"



"I can't see any more faces. But suppose we were to turn it upside down?"



"WE'VE UPSET HIM :( He could be upset because we turned him upside down, or maybe all that talk about being squashed against the wall has given him ideas. Or maybe he's just a big racist and can't stand having to rely on a brown man's hand for stability? Maybe he prefers the white hand?

"Notice the little face in the middle is now also upset (whereas before he was completely indifferent) and in his sadness has grown a little goatee beard. He may be sad now, but nothing can prepare him for the inevitable mask removal process..."



"BUT WAIT, HE'S HAPPY AGAIN! And he's wasting no time in bombarding me with a load of delightful instructions and warnings to prove it! I particularly like the red sticker which says it should be removed before installation. It's been signed 'W', so the alarm company knows who to fire for being a willy.

"The main face has turned out to be some kind of Darth Vader-alike with all those wires. He told me he was my dad but that's probably a lie. I'm too brown to be his son. Speaking of brown, he doesn't seem too miffed about me holding him now, so I guess he isn't a big racist after all. Although he did call me a Paki when I tried putting his mask back on, the little darling - Regards, Bilal Sheikh."



"PS: After the recent poll and that self-proclaimed 'best gadget with a face ever', I was worried people may be getting bored of gadgets with faces, so I have also enclosed a picture of me wearing the RIP t-shirt at Hamley's last year as a sort of friendly emotional blackmail.

"The bananaphone could pose a problem, as it may lead commonfolk/wankers to believe that all SEGA activists are a bunch of wallies, which is simply is not true. If I'd known at the time that it'd be used for such purposes I would've done things differently, like take the photo next to the PS3 booth and Photoshop in a stream of piss."

Kendal - and a Reader's Window and Rug

Taking us back to the heady days of May 2007, with this - an alternate-coloured Kendal. Finally we will be able to relax, safe in the knowledge that, yes, the Kendal AA batteries are indeed done up in a different livery to the AAAs.



"New battery discovered - bundled with a wireless Rock Band guitar controller. We have here not two or four but three examples of this lovely Kendal alkaline AA battery."



"It combines the sleek industrial colour scheme of the Panasonic Super Heavy Duty with the attractive, confident design of an Energizer. How can you not put all of your trust into a battery that claims to have 'large capacity' and 'strong alkaline'?"



"Please excuse my dirty rug (no pun intended, as my pubes, on the other hand, are quite clean) - 'Roundtree Cumberbatch'."

Gadgets with FACES Special Furniture Edition: A couple of happy chairs

Now this is crossing a line. Chairs are not gadgets and there are plenty of other sites out there dedicated to finding faces in odd places.

But still. It's an awesome photo and it would appear to be ours on an exclusive basis so we'd be MAD to turn it down, especially as we've already done taps.



Submitted by "courtster" with no explanation as to what he/she was doing hanging around in what is presumably a school.

REMOTE CONTROL: Ultra-minimal Alba 'music centre' remote

Keepin' it old school. Back in "the day" it wasn't about how many buttons you had. It was about how well it fitted the hand and the quality of the finish. How we miss these curved icons of simpler days.



"A super minimalist remote control. With only 3 buttons, ( the volume button is a rocker, so you could argue it's got 4 ) I think it was the remote for a stereo, or 'music centre' as they were once known."



"Of more interest was the back of the remote, which has a hole in it so you can hang the remote on a nail. This was cutting edge product design at the time and Alba should be congratulated for trying to solve the problem of losing the remote in such a radical way, even if ironically it seems I have lost the very thing the remote was manufactured to control."



"The batteries were a disappointing set of AAA Duracells, so I didn't bother photographing them - Paul."

The Zha... Zhoa... Zhaoch... Zohoach... ZHAONENG

Submitted by Daryl B of Nokia Box Photo fame. He hasn't exactly pushed the boat out when it comes to descriptions of his battery find, but he did at least go into the lounge for a "lifestyle" shoot. And you get to see another Reader's Table.



"Notice the leaking on the top battery."



"Arty shot in tree that lives behind me."



"Another arty shot in the same tree - Daryl B."

Gadgets with FACES #35: A secondhand foot massager

An owl. With a Braille face. Also seems to have a smaller secondary face stuck to its forehead, no doubt to lure prey into its mouth.



"I came across this 2nd hand foot massager at a local Ca$h Converters. I mean, seriously, WTF? Who would want something that some old granny has been rubbing her corns and bunions on? Other than it's a gadget with a face - YAY! Sean (Liverpool)."

Cock sauce

Someone who thinks we'll put ANY old rubbish up here found the following humorous foodstuff.



"Back in damp, cold northern Europe, I found the perfect companion to Fanny Tuna - I present Chinese cock sauce. Sprinkling fanny tuna with cock sauce actually makes for a rather horrid dish. But it's well suited for dating situations where the object of desire just needs a subtle reminder of what could be. Once you've put the things on the table there's no running away. Anonymous as always - Anonymous."

A really quite poor photo of a SUNRISE AA

Honestly, do we really need to see so much of the table? We're not so desperate for content we're about to start a series of updates entitled "The Surfaces of Reader's Tables."



"You've probably seen this before, but I can't be arsed searching the archives for the utterly unremarkable Sunrise Alkaline AA battery. One of my workmates found it in his bike light, and immediately thought of adding to the sum of happiness by sharing it with everyone via your good selves. The picture was taken by phone, sorry if it's shit. Nice graininess on table I thought. No interesting story, funny comment or oriental pr0n to go with it, just a crappy photo of a dull battery and no norks. A bit rubbish - I should probably be banned from visiting Idiot Toys ever again or something. I bet Sponge Finge has two of them tho... Cheers, Chris."

Gadgets with FACES #34: Mario Kart Wii's useless plastic wheel thing

The reason for Wii's success revealed - putting little faces onto things so people subconsciously empathise with it and want to press it into their groins.



"It's not as good as the recent tuk-tuk/van-thing face, I grant you, but I find the pained, yet leering expression reminiscent of 'The Nightmare Before Christmas'. You know, the skeleton fella - Chris."